1) Do I LOVE Zombies?
2) Would I like to support local filmmakers?
3) Do I absolutely NEED to see a movie where a free puke bag is handed out?

IF you answered yes, Yes, YES!!! Then please proceed to the Victoria Theater at 16th and Mission for a limited theater release of RETARDEAD!

Retardead is a sequel to the heart-warming “Monsturd”. This movie has everything: an evil doctor, some mentally and mortally-challenged flesheaters, and the sexy Living Dead Girlz.

As I mentioned, they are handing out a limited amount of puke bags, which you may actually need in a few parts.

Last night they had a question and answer after the show.

When I asked how much blood was used, they said about 15 gallons. Now that’s art!

For those who find it unbearable…

Of course, you can always leave furniture out on the block, but this furniture was far beyond it’s prime and hell, this was more fun.

I was enjoying the rush of throwing a bedroom and 1/2 off the 2nd floor onto the concrete in the back “yard” … when I realized an issue.

What to do with the scraps?

When I sheepishly called Sunset Scavenger to ask if they would pick up “bundles of oddly-shaped wood”… they said,

“Did you throw your furniture off the roof?”

Huh.

Apparently, an advanced call to Sunset Scavenger and a little effort bundling scraps into twine will get you a free pickup!

Right when I’m in a debate that has included some of the following items:

A) Public Health issues
B) Germs Spread by Humans
C) The EXTRA dirty things that happen IN San Francisco
D) Breaking the Law in San Francisco
E) Flyers posted on utility poles being illegal

…I’m walking to work… and while I’m following THE LAW (which is suddenly so important to some SFers) waiting for the light to change, I SEE THIS FLYER, POSTED TO A UTILITY POLE, illegally; detailing a beautiful example of the germ-spreading habits of humans.

In this case, someone else’s germs will be on someone else’s FACE for charity…

Ahh…. I love it…

** NOTE: For the record, I love that people are giving away their dirty jock straps for charity and have no problem with them posting their flyer. It is merely an absolutely perfectly placed example of some of the highlights of a previously posted blog. ***

I go in this place frequently enough. Though the “law” says dogs cannot go into food establishments, both of my closest coffee shops allow them. When I bring the pup in there, I carry him in my hoodie, just to be respectful of others.

Today, I go in and order a mocha and bagel to go. I have my dog on my shoulder.

I’m waiting for my food, when I get the feeling that someone is staring at me. I look around and my eyes land on one of the most foul specimens of human waste I’ve ever seen. Literally, this man is the human version of “Jabba the Hut”. He is a desending pile of tires of fat, rings of flesh telescoping towards the ground. He is shaped like a fleshy soft-serve, ice cream cone. His skin is yellow from jaundice and his eyes are bright red in the lids and whites, showing “Pink Eye” at the very least.

This foul man-pile yells at me from his stench-seat, “The dog goes outside”. I reply, “Are you the owner? I’m not leaving him outside.” I go back to waiting… “It’s the law” says flesh-sore-man, “Are you above the law? I’ll call the Board of Health.”

I grab my stuff to go and say to him loudly, so the whole cafe gets the message, “When you call the Board of Health, tell them you have a full-blown case of the infection known as “Pink Eye”, and that everything you have touched, including that stainless steel spoon someone else will later use, is infected.” I continue, “Tell them the money you gave the cashier, has now been handled by the same people handling the customer’s food. Tell them you have now exposed your infection to everyone in the cafe. Maybe you should think about THAT next time you worry about health codes…”

Do I need to take my 4th Anger Management class? YES.

Is it ridiculous that in San Francisco, an 8 pound, freshly-bathed dog is a health hazard, when in EVERY corner of this city, the average San Franciscan comes upon human fecal matter on every train, door handle, cafe, bathroom they use because this city is swarming with filthy, homeless crackheads?

YES, more than I need Anger Management, YES.

I pick my dog’s crap up, no matter where it lands. EVERY DAY when I walk to work, I dodge SEVERAL piles of human waste. The people who made those piles can go into any establishment they like. But I can’t bring my 8 pound, clean dog on my shoulder to get a coffee to go without having some ridiculous law spouted at me from Jabba the Jaundiced?

The LAW must GO!

Here are some pix:

The San Francisco will be showing a live simulcast of

Lucia di Lammermoor

…and it is FREE!

The park asks that you bring a blanket, if you intend to sit on the baseball field.

The simulcast will be projected in high definition on the park’s 3,200 square foot score board.

For advanced registration and more information;

Check out The San Francisco Opera’s Webpage

… and enjoy the weather tonight!

The Warfield has been a popular venue since the 1920s. It was featured in the music DVD, Slayer: War at the Warfield, filmed on December 7th, 2001.

The auditorium’s last show before closing was Phil Lesh, but Ticketmaster.com now has a list of shows ready to go on sale June 22nd, 2008 for September and October dates. Here’s a few:

ON SALE Sun, 06/22/08 10:00 AM

Sat, 09/20/08
Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds

Fri, 09/26/08
Rancid

Sat, 09/27/08
Rancid

(on sale in September:)
Sun, 12/21/08
Brian Setzer Orchestra

Tickets on Sale for the Warfield

Remember January 1st and that list you made?

A) Get handle on finances
B) Go to the gym
C) Take up a new hobby

Well, no one is going to make you hit that gym any harder, but if you want to pick up a new hobby for a price that won’t hurt your finances, you should try the San Francisco Community Music Center!

CMC offers a sliding scale pay rate and even some work exchange for dedicated students. They offer a wide range of music lessons and even have rental equipment available. And if that wasn’t enough, they even offer VERY cheap practice space rental, WITH pianos!

There are two beautiful locations in the city: Richmond district, and the Mission district. Both are large houses, surrounded by gardens and trees. There are MUNI bus lines within a block of both locations.

After a few weeks paying a fraction of the usual cost for music lessons with talented professionals, you can even take part in a concert.

San Francisco Community Music Center

The opening night party Thursday, June 5, 9pm, at Annie’s Social Club; features “Thee Merry Widows”, “The Zoopy Show”, “The Undertaker and his pals”.

Free with your “HoleHead” Pass or $5 will also let you see some previews and sip some $3 Redhook all night.

There are movies for everyone playing at the Roxie and Brava Theater, I’m looking forward to “Alone”, a horror movie about cojoined twins, and “Meter Maid Me Massacre”.

“Meter Maid Me Massacre” by Cecil B. Feeder is a locally made movie for anyone who has left their car for two seconds to find a ticket stuck to the windshield. I saw a bit of the DVD, but I’m going to the theater anyway!

Annie’s Social Club
917 Folsom at 5th
San Francisco, CA 94103
415.820.3907

Brava Theater
2781 24th Street
San Francisco , CA 94110
415.820.3907

Roxie Cinema
3117 16th Street
San Francisco , CA 94117
415.820.3907

Another Hole in the Head Information

(Filmmaker Cecil B. Feeder also released another film about everyone’s favorite traveling late night snack stand, the Tamale Lady. If you’ve been out after dark in the Mission, you’ve probably encountered her tasty treats. “Our Lady of Tamale” celebrates the woman behind the tamale.)