It doesn’t take a hot throbbing seismograph to tell me that we’re being inundated with earthquake porn right now. But porn is everywhere, you say. What makes our great quake’s hyperbole so much like 1 Night In Paris? Good question. One, it’s when my editor at Fleshbot (nsfw) personally emails me a New York Times article about the quake anniversary. Ding! You’ve got porn. Next, it’s when the Weather Channel is *all over it*.

You might think the Weather Channel is porn for only a subset of the population. But the connection is deeper. Anyone who’s been around me drunk (all 250,000 know who you are) and heard me describe the quality of an average porn production, the Weather Channel is always the comparison that makes the listener go “ah!” and understand instantly what a Vivid video looks like.

So when I watched the Weather Channel’s new It Could Happen Tomorrow: San Francisco Earthquake, I knew I had a prime slice in my DVR. It’s utterly enjoyable because it transcends bad into totally awesome, the way that Showgirls has become a local drag/cult favorite. It’s impossible not to love overly-emphasized lines like, “At the end of the tragic event, more than 5,000 people are dead. 250,000 are homeless. Hundreds of billions of dollars of damage have wrecked the once heartbreakeningly beautiful city…as its trademark fog descends upon it like a shroud.” Also the painfully long, unintentionally hilarious minutes of shaky-cam on local streets meant to simulate moments of terror (while people in frame just sort of go about their day), and the bestest part of course is the graphics. Screencaps at right show the Bay Bridge dropping animated commuters like they’re hott (insert FasTrak joke here) and the Painted Ladies in twisted ruins while The City burns, as seen from imaginary Alamo Square. The best is at the end, of course, where they show the Transamerica Pyramid looking like a vibrator that survived a fire. Oh, earthquake porn!

Link: It Could Happen Tomorrow site (popup and navigational Flash nightmare warning — see it’s porn! NSFW if you aren’t supposed to look at explicit tornadoes or javascript from hell).