I have a huge family and we do a lot of massively coordinated logistical nightmares, and this tea may be turning out that way… the Ritz formalities are not helping. We started when one of the nieces turned 5- my mom invited her to a formal afternoon tea, and the Ritz was the choice then, 3 years ago. I realized recently that another niece turned 5 and so another tea is underway.
I really tried to branch out from the Ritz. SF Citysearch had an editorial on Afternoon Teas, and while I’d been to half, I hadn’t been to the Sheraton and Mandarin. Basically, I got busy and couldn’t test them all. We couldn’t risk such an important occasion on the untested, so back we go to the Ritz. I call them up to reserve the spot, which was all it took 3 years ago, when we blithely walked in and sat down and got served tea and scones. Now there are four documents that were emailed to me: the Tea Menu Confirmation (requires faxing and signing), the Afternoon Tea Menu , the Children’s Tea Menu, the Large Party Policy (requires signature and faxing)…

We qualify as a large party, so there are several contractual requirements within the policy:
- the cancellation period (48 hours)
- pre-confirmation of tea (same order, for entire group)
- 20% charge if someone bails on the party, after the cancellation period
- please work with a Restaurant Coordinator for details of the policy
- no guarantees on seatment arrangement
- etc.

My mind just boggles at what infraction happened to cause this layer of bureaucratic nonsense. Oh right, we’re Californian, and thus hugely flakey. Either that, or a run on the bank for Jasmine tea by a party of twelve.

Well, suffice to say, another aunt, two sisters, and my mother have the menus in their sweaty little hands and they can make the important decisions now that I’ve set things in motion:
- champagne with tea?
or
- really good champagne with tea?

OK I have to segue here a bit. I keep comparing this to Claridge’s in London, one of the best teas I’ve had- we were sweaty after an afternoon of shopping, and they didn’t care. No, the best tea was the country cream tea I got on the roadside outside of Tintagel, where Merlin’s cave was (if he existed), in Cornwall. We ended up order three teas in succession, they’re so good. Another favorite tea place: Doris Day’s hotel in Carmel has a great affordable tea service in the garden, and since it’s a pet hotel there’s lots of cute dogs around.

Photo caption: Mao Tse Tung with Zhou Enlai teacup bought in Beijing, and a mid-century American made teacup, from Salem China Company (could have been sold through Sears & Robuck).

The top tea service: The Royal Tea (insert Nirvana joke here). It actually sounds really good. Maybe it’s worth the paperwork after all!

Royal Tea

Champagne “Ritz” Cocktail
Selection of Tea
Smoked Salmon with Pickled Onion & Caviar on Dark Rye
Cucumber, Roquefort and Walnuts on White Bread
Prosciutto with Melon on Light Rye Bread
Egg and Chive Sandwich
Freshly Baked Scone with Devonshire cream, Lemon Curd and Strawberry Preserves
English Tea Cakes, Chef’s Choice of Tea Pastries
Chocolate Mignardises
Fresh Strawberries with Vanilla Cream

Part Two: Tea Aftermath