2 Open Letters: Person Who Found/Stole My Wallet, and Postperson Who Addresses Packages
Dear Person Who Found/Stole My Wallet,
I was amazed and delighted to open the letter package and find my little homemade wallet pictured here, and so you saved me a tedious trip to the DMV web site to re-order a new license. An errand that I was strangely looking forward to in an effort to improve my photo like Family Ties’ Mallory. The downer was that you took my MUNI pass and cash. Do you think that it was the just reward, 6 days of joyriding cable cars? So it’s a mixed feeling. Glad I have it, but I think you’re greedy. Especially since it’s about two weeks since I lost it and I’m pretty resigned to the fact that it’s gone. WellsFargo is faster than you + postal service in getting me my bank cards.
With mixed regards,
To Post-person Who Addresses Letters,
Perhaps putting a “found wallet” note on the envelope is not a wise idea. Also, requiring ID to receive your ID, also not too great. What did impress me enough to write you a letter, though, is your cool curly handwriting. It reminds me of my grandmother’s. Large loops and a nice solid black ink pen not one of those lame ballpoint ones. And it’s written, not computer-generated. You included my middle name which is, gasp!, just what my G’ma did too. From my Idiot’s Guide to Graphology, I think you’ve got high ambitions (T’s are crossed very high) that are probably stifled in this job, or you have a very impressive creative hobby that you have high hopes for. Your “i”‘s are dashed meaning you are frequently hurried in this bureaucratic job. Your small d’s are full, which also show a large sense of religious creativity. So you’re a watercolorist I think, thwarted in your day-job, who dreams of a more heavenly world. I’m thinking the handwriting looks like something taught in the 40s, so you’re probably in your late 70s?
So why did I have to pay $1.75 to retrieve a wallet that was dropped in a mailbox two blocks from the post office? Hmmm.