Sixty-eight days after agreeing in principle on a one-year deal, thirty-five days after he ruined what was left of his reputation by falsely blaming a teammate for a positive drug test, and seventeen days after signing the contract the first time, Giants outfielder Barry Bonds finally signed his contract to play for the team in 2007.

It was, perhaps not coincidentally, the first day of spring training — though position players don’t have to report til next Monday.

With Bonds absent from the scene, reporters focussed on new star pitcher Barry Zito, who was informed he was sitting in the Master’s chair, and doghoused closer Armando Benitez, the only member of the team people love to hate more than Bonds.

Because, you know, he actually sucks, unlike Bonds who can still hit. Giants fans will forgive almost any character flaw, but if you can’t actually play, you’re a real nowhere man.

Meanwhile, Zito had one word for new manager Bruce Bochy: “Mellow.” The slow-speaking Bochy is expected to provide an antidote to any off-the-field controversies, simply by answering questions about them in a way that puts everyone to sleep.