Ten Reasons San Francisco Rocks During Burning Man

onionbmimage.jpg10. Smell of patchouli is restricted to Upper Haight.
9. Prices of glitter, fake fur and hot glue return to normal levels. Meanwhile, Discount Fabrics closes doors of all locations for one day, fills employee break rooms with money and swims in self-made swimming pool of cash.
8. No white dudes with dreadlocks for seven square miles.
7. San Francisco ‘smug’ levels ratchet back to ‘tolerable’ in absence of arty hipster trust fund brats and 2.0 lets-ressurect-pets.com-as-a-vlog leeches.
6. Super annoying guys don’t hit on me in bars assuming I know what the fuck they’re talking about when they use terms like “the burn”, “the man” and “off the grid”.
5. Don’t have to ride motorcycle defensively around street detritus of Barbie doll heads, Legos, or little plastic dinosaurs that drop off art cars when fog breaks down plastic-epoxy bond with auto paint.
4. Parking is easier, you can actually get brunch at Boogaloos, and Mission bars are fun.
3. For a minute, STD levels in San Francisco drop (but rise again sharply after the festival).
2. At house parties, there are no chicks that become uncontrollably drunk and then attempt to show you how they can “fire dance”, accidentally setting fire to the host’s potted plant/small dog/infant.
1. No hippies. ‘Nuff said.

Actually, not enough said. I know lots of people who get extra happy about a burner-free San Francisco, so add your reasons San Francisco rocks to the comments if you want! (This post inspired by Jess’ post and The Onion’s No One Makes it to Burning Man piece, image via.)

23 Comments so far

  1. anna (unregistered) on August 29th, 2006 @ 11:57 pm

    I’m dying to check out some popular b-man places and see how vacant they are. Zeitgeist, ritual roasters, and nikki’s in lower haight come to mind.

    The best burning man ever was when my friend Cliff left town for BM and four of us girls descended on his apartment, which had a huge TV + cable!!! (this was in the 90s). We watched tv all day long, ordering in food. It was great. Ahhhh.

  2. Bradley Allen (unregistered) on August 30th, 2006 @ 1:32 am

    I am so with you regarding Burning Man (shudder)

    I feel like my city, if only for a moment, has been returned to me. Oh, I wish Burning Man could last forever.

  3. Mark (unregistered) on August 30th, 2006 @ 7:18 am

    That was really funny.

    The thing I hate about Burning Man afficionados is that they assume that anyone who isn’t interested in going there just doesn’t get it.

    Hey, I get it. That’s why I’m staying here.

  4. Matt R. (unregistered) on August 30th, 2006 @ 9:56 am

    What’s Buring Man?

  5. Jason D- (unregistered) on August 30th, 2006 @ 10:49 am

    The only thing that sucks is this year during BM I’m in Vegas so I’m missing the hippie free days :-(

  6. cd (unregistered) on August 30th, 2006 @ 11:08 am

    Personally, I think #7 is my favorite. Great, accurate post, Violet!

  7. Jess H (unregistered) on August 30th, 2006 @ 1:39 pm

    The sad thing is that I can’t enjoy much of anything right now thanks to a cold :( FOILED! There has got to be some way for me to blame Burning Man.

  8. SFGary (unregistered) on August 30th, 2006 @ 3:05 pm

    Excellent top 10 list. I thought I was one of the few left in the city who did not understand why people would voluntarily go to a hot desert and burn various items creating more heat, dust and pollution but I can see that I am not alone. Besides the uniqueness of any such event/gathering is gone after the first one and repetition does not necessarily make it better. Besides, by now it is highly likely that its a quasi corporate event.

  9. Mattymatt (unregistered) on August 30th, 2006 @ 3:36 pm

    Oh GOD you’re so right. One of my favorite things about this week is that strangers are far less likely to strike up a conversation on the bus or at a restaurant or whatever. A reprieve from smalltalk! Yay.

  10. Bill Landers (unregistered) on August 30th, 2006 @ 5:36 pm

    No wonder this city has such a reputation for being cold, (and it ain’t just the weather), aloof and hard to meet people. I wonder what all of you would have to say about the original poster, violet blue, behind her back? Apperently you’re o.k. with porn, just not sex with a stranger? Funny how much we believe we know about something we know nothing about in fact. I dream of the day when San Francisco was truly a multi-cultural mecca and not apparently a haven for uptight marina chicks and dicks who wouldn’t know what an open mind was if it knocked over their double-soy latte onto their powerbooks. And why is it that any of your ” bars and restaurants that are usually too crowded to tolerate” are free now? Surely you don’t frequent “Those Types” of establishments, just like you don’t associate with “Those Types” of open minds! Guess those hippies and perverts have the same tastes as you…

  11. cd (unregistered) on August 30th, 2006 @ 9:37 pm

    Dude – who pooped in your sandbox? Where’s all that ire from? Your burner friends leave you behind and you’re sad?

    I honestly can’t find the source of that rant – but I think you’re seeing and commenting through a fog of your own issues.

    Personally, I tolerate burners just fine. We all do. Doesn’t mean we can’t be a bit happy when they’re off doing their thing – if what you’re saying is that this post implies we are intolerant of them.

  12. Lauren (unregistered) on August 30th, 2006 @ 9:57 pm

    Ah, it’s funny because it’s true! We tease them because we love them…and because they aren’t here.

  13. smallerdemon (unregistered) on August 31st, 2006 @ 7:38 am

    *smallerdemon missed the ire in the post*

    Ditto Lauren. :) I can’t imagine any of us DON’T know someone that is there or has been in the past. (But it’s still funny because it’s true.)

    Hey now! Don’t confuse hippies with perverts! I’m totally a perv, and it’s true I may consort with the hippies now and again, but they certainly aren’t one in the same. ;) But yeah, I do have the same taste as pervs, hippies, hipsters, yuppies, rednecks, snobs, etc. ad infinitum, what with my human genetic sequence and all.

  14. Mattymatt (unregistered) on August 31st, 2006 @ 10:12 am

    Wait, this city has “a reputation for being cold, aloof, and hard to meet people”? WTF?

  15. Lauren (unregistered) on August 31st, 2006 @ 1:57 pm

    Funny isn’t it? SF and the Bay Area is so networking-happy that it is hard to imagine that some people say that. But I have heard it before, and I think I know why: we don’t spend five minutes chit-chatting with every cashier waitress like our neighbors to the north. Some people interpret that as aloof and cold, methinks.

  16. n judah chronicles (unregistered) on August 31st, 2006 @ 5:58 pm

    Weird how .02% of the population leaving can make such a difference, isn’t it?

  17. korntee (unregistered) on September 1st, 2006 @ 12:02 pm

    Now if Only the West-bound lanes of the Bay Bridge would close down for the rest of the month.

  18. RighteougesinReno (unregistered) on September 3rd, 2006 @ 9:26 am

    Great! Just what we need here in Nevada another event that creates an influx of Californians to our area. At least they are a more free spirited and open minded people with sense enough to gather in the middle of the desert instead of on our roadways. Which by the way, are already dangerous enough with all the Californians that decided to move here to find affordable housing. Thanks to that, they have driven up the housing costs so that it is no longer affordable for most Nevadans.With Burning Man they are only here a week and then they go home….Wasn’t it a Californian that said, “Can’t we all just get along?”

  19. scottishtoodler (unregistered) on September 3rd, 2006 @ 10:15 am

    What I find ironic is all of the fully equipped RV’s running a/c full blast all day. I thought all these “artistic” types were supposed to be green? I don’t think the Burning Man attendees are hippies. But I don’t live in SF, I live in the least green, most pretentious, highest level of silicone city in the world: Los Angeles. I saw the Santa Clarita fires from my street all week. I don’t need no stinkin’ Burning man, man.

  20. Christine (unregistered) on September 3rd, 2006 @ 2:07 pm

    Burning Man sucks. Burning Man is dead. Burning Man is over-rated.

    Stay Home.

  21. skot (unregistered) on September 5th, 2006 @ 11:14 am

    I don’t think ‘burners’ are the jerks ruining your favorite mission bars.. most of them are the nicest people i have ever met. you should check out the event sometime. it’s fun.

  22. I hate the term burner (unregistered) on September 6th, 2006 @ 12:24 pm

    Snarking on Burning Man is a fine Bay Area tradition, even for those of us who have gone or go. I was there first in ’96, and am close friends with some of the folks that started the whole damn thing, and even I make terrible jokes at the expense of Burning Man. I even put up a sign this year that said ‘Larry Harvey sleeps in air-conditioned comfort while you sleep in dirt’ right across from his trailer. Lighten up everyone, Burning Man is just a big stupid party, and nothing more…

  23. ellynmental (unregistered) on September 12th, 2006 @ 9:30 pm

    what I love about the burners is how they get back from the playa and feel the need to deposit their playa-dust covered crap on the side of the street. Like I want your dust riddled glitter thong and your old scurgy sheets and your playa bike that has so much dust in the gears it doesn’t work..

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