Ten Reasons San Francisco Rocks During Burning Man
10. Smell of patchouli is restricted to Upper Haight.
9. Prices of glitter, fake fur and hot glue return to normal levels. Meanwhile, Discount Fabrics closes doors of all locations for one day, fills employee break rooms with money and swims in self-made swimming pool of cash.
8. No white dudes with dreadlocks for seven square miles.
7. San Francisco ‘smug’ levels ratchet back to ‘tolerable’ in absence of arty hipster trust fund brats and 2.0 lets-ressurect-pets.com-as-a-vlog leeches.
6. Super annoying guys don’t hit on me in bars assuming I know what the fuck they’re talking about when they use terms like “the burn”, “the man” and “off the grid”.
5. Don’t have to ride motorcycle defensively around street detritus of Barbie doll heads, Legos, or little plastic dinosaurs that drop off art cars when fog breaks down plastic-epoxy bond with auto paint.
4. Parking is easier, you can actually get brunch at Boogaloos, and Mission bars are fun.
3. For a minute, STD levels in San Francisco drop (but rise again sharply after the festival).
2. At house parties, there are no chicks that become uncontrollably drunk and then attempt to show you how they can “fire dance”, accidentally setting fire to the host’s potted plant/small dog/infant.
1. No hippies. ‘Nuff said.
Actually, not enough said. I know lots of people who get extra happy about a burner-free San Francisco, so add your reasons San Francisco rocks to the comments if you want! (This post inspired by Jess’ post and The Onion’s No One Makes it to Burning Man piece, image via.)