Oh, What a Bee-yooo-ti-fulll Morning!

This is my virgin post here, and I feel I must warn y’all, I just moved
to this city from Boston a bare nine months ago and already my
adoration of it has started to take on sickeningly Disney-ish

Man, it’s hot in our apartment in the morning. Most of our windows face
what my husband calls “local east” — he’s got some complicated
explanation for why it’s not “true east” that has to do with the city
being slightly slanted — so we get full sun for a good few hours every

Actually, this brings up an interesting story that goes far to explain
how directionally challenged I am and why I can’t read a map unless I
“go into the map” a la Joey from Friends.
Ever since I was a kid, the way I have taught myself to remember where
the sun comes up is by singing a snatch of “Moving Right Along” from The Muppet Movie. There’s
that part where Fozzie and Kermit are lost right before they stumble up
to the church where Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem are playing —
remember? Fozzie sings, “Hey, I’ve never seen the sun come up in the West?!” and that’s how I’ve always remembered that the sun rises in the East.

Anyway, I hate the heat and I moved to San Francisco thinking it was
going to be nice and cool during the summer.  I mean, yeah, I’d
expect some eighty degree days but nothing I couldn’t handle, right?
Not so — our first week in our new empty apartment was full of days in
the high nineties. Sure, we were told it was an aberration, but then we
had a March that was peppered with eighty-plus days and that was also
described as an aberration.

If we actually opened our windows more than a few inches I think we
might cool off a bit, but something else we discovered when we moved
out here: there are no screens
on the windows! See, we have cats and we just aren’t taking any chances
that they might want to sample one of their nine lives by leaning too
far over the sill.

We’ve been told that the relatively small amount of bugs in the Bay
Area is the reason for the lack of screens. Since I grew up in
Minneapolis where the mosquito is the state bird, I can appreciate how
few bugs are flapping around the streetlights here. Although, we’re
still getting some bugs in our apartment. Crane flies, mainly, and some
blue bottle flies but nothing biting, so that’s a plus. I’ve heard
rumors that there are these retractable, spring-loaded half-screens we
can get at hardware stores, but for some reason we just haven’t done
that yet.

See? The 9 AM sweats? Totally our fault.

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